Snow Cones and Ovens

When I was a little girl there were two toys I wanted more than anything. A Snoopy Snow Cone Machine and an Easy Bake Oven. When I was about 12 my mom found a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine at a garage sale for 50 cents. What a deal! I was so excited. I got ice out of the freezer and some juice. I took it out of the box and discovered that it was missing the thing that pushed the ice through the shredder and the shovel to get the shaved ice out of the hole. I was devastated and told her to never buy me another toy at a garage sale ever again.

Today I had my birthday punishment party with my grandparents, mom and 5 year old daughter. I spared my husband of having to go to what was sure to be a festive time. I wanted to spare myself too but I couldn’t come up with a good excuse as to why I would miss my own party. The party began with my grandma shoving two candles into the cake and lighting them before anyone was even in the room. She then began shouting at me to “BLOW THEM OUT! THEY”RE GOING TO MELT ALL OVER THE CAKE!!!!!” I started to blow them out but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t moving fast enough so she “helped” me blow them out. I think she actually blew out my candles, not me. I can’t be sure about that though. She then cut the cake and passed out the pieces. I brought a forkful to my mouth and saw steam. Was this steam coming out of my cake? Why yes, it was. My cake was so hot it was steaming. I pointed this out and was told “I like it hot. It’s better that way. Don’t you know anything, dumbass?”

Soon it was time for presents. I only got two presents worth mentioning. The first was a 8×10 color photo copy of my grandparents standing in front of their new car at the dealership. Then she told me to make sure to keep it clean because she wanted copies made. Why? Who wants this picture? Why was it even taken in the first place? I thanked her and asked why she gave this to me. She told me that she thought I might want a photo of them when they were dead. Calling this piece of paper with colors on it in the shape of two people I know and a new car a “photo” is an epic fail.

My last present was from my mom. I opened it up and there it was! An Easy Bake Oven. I finally had one! My mom then shared with me that she found it at a garage sale for 50 cents. I flashed back to the last time she bought me a toy at a garage sale for 50 cents. I haven’t opened it yet. I wonder what will be missing this time, maybe the oven.

Edit: While searching for a picture of my oven to include in this post I discovered that the one I got today has been recalled because of reported burns and partial finger amputations. Wouldn’t you know?


10 responses to “Snow Cones and Ovens

  1. “Finger Amputations”?!? How hard do people slam that plastic door?

  2. I’d have to say that this isn’t an Easy Bake Oven, or a Snow Cone Machine, but just a simple Happy Birthday wish. OH, and it didn’t cost me 50 cents, or any recall notices. Just a note from one to another. Hope this year brings you great joy and happiness.

  3. Hysterical! I had no idea you were such a great writer. Keep up the good work!

  4. I have to stifle loud laughter every time I read this, even though I already knew the story beforehand.

    Great start to the blog, baby. Keep it up.

  5. Pingback: My lovely wife now has a blog. You should read it. — raewhitlock dot com

  6. HA! Hilarious story, Amy! I love it. šŸ™‚

  7. Nice. I had the snowcone machine when I was a kid but don’t remember much good about it. I think we dragged it out maybe once every couple years. Hope that helps a little.

    And watch those fingers. We need them for your mad violin skillz!

  8. Amy-
    I was struggling to remember that this wasn’t ME writing. It sounds just like my usual family birthdays. Can’t wait to read your next one!

  9. That is freakin’ hilarious. Maybe I should give you a picture of me for birthday in a place that has no significance to myself or anything else…you know, for you to have when I’m dead…

    I think you need to either scan or take a picture of the photo they gave you. I need a visual reference.

  10. Pretty funny. I hope you can have a decent celebration. I’m finding that it’s usually before or after the day… the day itself is usually … interesting.
    Great story.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s