How clean are your light bulbs?

I think that I’m the worst housekeeper on the planet. I’m supposed to be cleaning because Rae’s dad and step mom are coming this weekend. They are coming up from Atlanta for Zoe’s baptism tomorrow. After that, they are taking Zoe back to Atlanta with them for a week. This is our second kid free week this year. It’s so weird not having a little person always around.

When my grandma has company she starts cleaning at least a week before (usually more like 2 or 3). They wash everything you can think of. Normal things like the counters and tables and stuff. They also do insane things like polish the china in cabinets that you can’t even see just in case someone opens up the cabinets. My favorite thing they do is wash the light bulbs. Did you catch that? They actually unscrew the light bulbs and then clean them with a rag and Bab-o (which is a commit like product). Usually while they are cleaning the bulbs they manage to break about half of them which leads them to complain about how much light bulbs cost and how they just spent $30.00 replacing them. Of course you’re saying that if they didn’t clean them they probably wouldn’t break but if they didn’t clean them someone might see a dirty light bulb. Don’t you always check out people’s light bulbs to see if they are clean?

We went to the Jazz & Rib Fest last night. There were so many people. Zoe was so excited to go because she loves ribs and she loves jazz. When I told her about it she told me that it sounded like her kind of place. We had a fun time.

I guess i have procrastinated enough for now. I sure hope my in-laws don’t look at my light bulbs.

Apiphobia

I love to watch worthless TV. One of my favorite worthless TV shows to watch is Maury. If you don’t watch Maury he has about 4 themes that most shows are about. On holidays he has 2 themes to choose from- “I was a geek and now I’m chic” or “Which of these <fill in your Holiday> honeys is really a man?”. The other themes are teenage sluts that want a baby, adult sluts who don’t know who their babies daddy is, adult sluts who don’t know who their babies daddy is who feed their kids a pornographic amount of food until they almost explode and adults who are married to sluts who want their spouse to take a lie detector test to prove they are sluts.

Every once in a while Maury has on people with phobias. Usually the people on these shows are scared of things that are so bizarre you can’t help but laugh and point. Like the man who is scared of peaches, the woman scared of cotton balls or the women afraid of birds and mustard. I realised today that I act this way over bees (this includes hornets, wasps, yellow jackets..basically anything with wings, that buzzes and is coming to sting me).

I know why I am so scared of bees. When I was in second grade I was in music class. I was sitting there singing when I felt a little bit of a sting on my neck. It went away pretty quick so I didn’t think anything about it. But after a minute or so my neck started to hurt more and more. I’m not sure why at this point I didn’t say anything to my teacher. Maybe I was scared or maybe I thought it would go away. At the end of class we got in our line to walk back to our class. I was the last person in line that day and on my out I pulled my hair away from my neck and said to my teacher “My neck really hurts. Is there something wrong with it?”. I looked at my teacher and she had this look of horror that has since been burned into my memory. She told me not to move in a panicked yet calm voice.It turns out I had a giant mob of bees on my neck taking turns stinging me. Just thinking about it makes my neck hurt and my head itch.

This evening on TV there was a show on called “Hornets from Hell”. Doesn’t that sound like a fun show to watch? Rae of course turned it there. I was almost in tears after watching literally 5 seconds of this.

So what things are you guys really scared of?

Tropical Punch Kool-Aid = Love

I love tropical punch Kool-Aid. I love it so much I would like to have an IV put in. The only problem with this would be that I wouldn’t get to taste it. I got on a kool-aid kick a few months ago and started buying kool-aid singles (those are the single serve packets of the kool-aid and sugar already mixed that you just add to water! I know, I’m excited about them too). I know it’s not hard to make a pitcher but when I would use the singles it was like my own private pitcher of love. I was always so excited to get to the drinking part that I usually left the little packets laying around on the kitchen island. Rae used to grab them and growl at me when he would find them over the next few days. He got so sick of it that he forbade me to buy them anymore. I shared this sad series of events with my small group from church. Well, for my birthday one of the couples in our group bought me a box of tropical punch kool-aid singles and made 6 bottles of kool-aid for me. I know it sounds stupid but I was so touched. I’m drinking one of the bottles right now as I type this so thanks Jimmy & Sarah. You guys rock!

I’ve decided to clean out my closet. I found so many clothes with their tags still on, it’s like I went shopping. I’ve also been having major food issues lately. You may or may not know how picky I am. I get everything I order plain. I don’t want my food to touch or mix in anyway. I seriously think I’m a supertaster. Restaurants keep messing up my food by putting crap on it that I didn’t ask for or cooking it on the same grill as crap I don’t like (like onions or green peppers. Yes, you can taste it when they do this.). Ugh. I always smell my food before I eat it and if I smell something foreign I usually get worked up and start yelling about how it’s contaminated. I’m getting all worked up now just thinking about this. My heart is beating fast and I’m getting nervous. I’m going to stop this entry now and drink my kool-aid and calm down.

Fire in the sky

Tonight I had an exciting night of counting how many times Lil Mama and Shane Sparks said “y’all” on America’s Best Dance Crew. More importantly, today is also the day that around 500,000 people swarm towards downtown Columbus for the yearly nightmare known as Red, White & Boom (RWB). Rae, Zoe and I watched the fireworks on TV. I hate going downtown to actually watch them in person. I’m so scared of fireworks. I always think they are going to stay lit and fall directly on top of me, catch me on fire and cause me to make a scene. I hate almost everything about RWB. The coverage officially began at 8 PM. However, NBC has been hyping the second coming of Jesus RWB up for at least a month, if not more. People start getting downtown so they can get “the best seat in the house” at around the crack of dawn. If you really don’t have a life you get there the night before to camp out. Because people start getting there so early they have to have overpriced food, moronic games and bad music available so people don’t lose their minds and start killing each other from boredom. When the 2 hour countdown began one of the girls from NBC, complete with her popped collar, did a thrilling story about the “rich history” of the Santa Maria replica. I’m sure they know that this wasn’t the actual ship that Columbus sailed on but they weren’t really acting like they did. They showed us where Columbus ate his meals and where he had his meals prepared. NBC also kept our minds sharp by asking deep thought provoking questions such as “What is your favorite patriotic song?” , “What is your favorite holiday food?” and “How many times is Hakuna Matata said in the Lion King?”. They of course urged us to vote for our favorites.  I was having so much fun trying to figure out which food I liked best and what I liked to listen to most while I ate, that I almost didn’t notice those 2 hours crawl by . I went to a graduation party once that was so boring. One of my friends and I decided that if we were ever told we had 1 day to live we would ask this friend to throw us a party because it would seem like the longest day of our lives. Perhaps this friend of ours put together the pre-show too. But, I digress.

They always match up a soundtrack to go with the fireworks. This year they included such patriotic songs as, Vertigo by U2, See You Again by Miley Cyrus and Please Don’t Stop the Music by Rihanna. I’m sure just thinking about these songs makes your chest swell and your eyes tear up with pride.

We’re going to go somewhere tomorrow night to watch fireworks in person because Zoe wants to. Last year we went to Gahanna to watch theirs. All the “good” spots were taken so the police herded us into a close graveyard to watch them. I don’t think I’d like to sit on top of a grave again this year. Maybe we can find a better place.

By the way. I’m sure you all won’t be able to think of anything else until I tell you the answers to all those brain teasers.The favorite song is “God Bless the USA. The favorite food is Corn on the Cobb. Hakuna Matata is said 25 times and most importantly, Lil Mama just edged out Shane Sparks for most usage of the word “y’all”. 51-46.

Thanks

I wanted to thank everyone for the comments and birthday wishes. My wonderful husband got me a brand new Snoopy Snow Cone Machine for my birthday. We made grape and strawberry lemonade snow cones this afternoon. Our snow cones were good but I’m not sure they were worth all the trouble of grinding ice by hand for 30 minutes. I also had a war with the flavoring syrup. It wasn’t coming out fast enough so I squeezed it. The lid popped off and managed to cover half the kitchen in sticky syrup.

I think that even though my Easy Bake Oven got recalled I may keep it. I’m smart enough to not burn or amputate my fingers right? I’m inviting everyone over for 30 minute snow cones and tiny cookies!

I’m hoping to update at least once a week, maybe more. I’m working on a new entry and it should be up Thursday or Friday.

Snow Cones and Ovens

When I was a little girl there were two toys I wanted more than anything. A Snoopy Snow Cone Machine and an Easy Bake Oven. When I was about 12 my mom found a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine at a garage sale for 50 cents. What a deal! I was so excited. I got ice out of the freezer and some juice. I took it out of the box and discovered that it was missing the thing that pushed the ice through the shredder and the shovel to get the shaved ice out of the hole. I was devastated and told her to never buy me another toy at a garage sale ever again.

Today I had my birthday punishment party with my grandparents, mom and 5 year old daughter. I spared my husband of having to go to what was sure to be a festive time. I wanted to spare myself too but I couldn’t come up with a good excuse as to why I would miss my own party. The party began with my grandma shoving two candles into the cake and lighting them before anyone was even in the room. She then began shouting at me to “BLOW THEM OUT! THEY”RE GOING TO MELT ALL OVER THE CAKE!!!!!” I started to blow them out but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t moving fast enough so she “helped” me blow them out. I think she actually blew out my candles, not me. I can’t be sure about that though. She then cut the cake and passed out the pieces. I brought a forkful to my mouth and saw steam. Was this steam coming out of my cake? Why yes, it was. My cake was so hot it was steaming. I pointed this out and was told “I like it hot. It’s better that way. Don’t you know anything, dumbass?”

Soon it was time for presents. I only got two presents worth mentioning. The first was a 8×10 color photo copy of my grandparents standing in front of their new car at the dealership. Then she told me to make sure to keep it clean because she wanted copies made. Why? Who wants this picture? Why was it even taken in the first place? I thanked her and asked why she gave this to me. She told me that she thought I might want a photo of them when they were dead. Calling this piece of paper with colors on it in the shape of two people I know and a new car a “photo” is an epic fail.

My last present was from my mom. I opened it up and there it was! An Easy Bake Oven. I finally had one! My mom then shared with me that she found it at a garage sale for 50 cents. I flashed back to the last time she bought me a toy at a garage sale for 50 cents. I haven’t opened it yet. I wonder what will be missing this time, maybe the oven.

Edit: While searching for a picture of my oven to include in this post I discovered that the one I got today has been recalled because of reported burns and partial finger amputations. Wouldn’t you know?